my AP parenting style

I didn't know what attachment parenting was 20 years ago when I had my daughter. All I knew was that breastfeeding was important, I wanted her close to me and that she was going to sleep with me. Now after being a mom for 20 years my style of AP parenting has changed a little and adjusted with each child. Remember I have a child with SPD who has an aversion to be comforted and while we co slept for the first 2 years she just doesn't sleep much therefore putting my co sleeping belief on hold for a year or so while we just struggled to get any sleep at all. And now with baby jack my attachment belief is very strong and we are co sleeping, breastfeeding on demand at 18 months and baby wearing when he will let us. There was also my 15 year old that breastfed for 39/40 months and co sleeps as a teenager when she needs to. I am going to share the guidelines I believe in and you may or may not agree. Here they are..

1) a gentle and peaceful birth (however you get this is up to you) and immediate breastfeeding at birth
2) breastfeeding on demand for at least the first year, not always an option for everyone and I would never judge a mama who can't or chooses not to breastfeed. it can be very hard and not everyone has a support system
3) co sleeping however much or little you feel like.
4) baby wearing (especially when you have more than one child) and my babies all loved being close when they were tiny, less after age 2 but we switched to a backpack and continued to wear them
5) crying it out is not an option for us (although I have been pressured into trying this)
6) vaccines are a personal choice and I would never judge anyone who does or doesn't! (we delay and do selective vaccines)
7) pacifiers are also a personal choice, my thought is if your breastfeeding and work during the day when your baby is little a paci can help that sucking need while your away. again this is my opinion and it's based on my own experiences.
8)  gentle discipline ( we redirect, figure out the need and try to address)
9) we try to provide a loving, nurturing environment where our children feel secure that we are present and responsive to their needs

these are my guidelines  every day is a new challenge and the best I can do is love my LO's with all I have and be there for them 24/7..they are based on the 8 principles of AP parenting. http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

I will follow this post up with a more detailed post about each subject. ❤

peace

After several weekends in a row of a tense household this weeekend has been peaceful and just plain great! I am so grateful for my family getting along and loving each other. Having teenagers and toddlers can cause constant chaos and crankiness on both parts! The neediness of both ages and just plain selfishness can be tiring on this mama and make me feel like I'm being pulled in 4 different directions. So this weekend I am happy that my kids all love each other and are content to just be with each other. So I am going to enjoy this day full of laundry, grocery shopping and baking for the week!

yes please take my appendix but leave the baby..

My pregnancy with jack was a difficult one from the beginning. I suffered a miscarriage in late January early February 2011 and then became pregnant the first time we had sex after the miscarriage (no joke). My doctor was amazed but skeptical that I was actually pregnant. So for almost 6 weeks I had my blood drawn every 48 hours to check that dang hormone level to see if it was rising. It was but the process was ridiculous, I had a toddler that wasn't sleeping and a full time job, I did not have time to drive to the hospital every other day to have my blood taken. Then finally at 6 weeks we had an ultrasound to confirm and there it was my little baby had hung on and was still fighting! My stepdaughter was with me and we were both so excited! I actually ended up being pregnant almost a year consecutive.Yikes! The next few months were busy, easy and just flew by. I felt pretty good, no morning sickness, very tired but I was used to that by this point with Emma. Life was very busy with all of Emma's therapy, speech and endless doctor's appointments. It really helped the weeks go by fast though. When I was 35 weeks and 4 days our car broke and we had to put it in the shop for a few days, not a big deal right? We only have one car because my husband rides the bus  to work. I worked until almost 7pm watching kids that night. At around 8 or so I began having contractions every 3-5 minutes followed by diarrhea. We called L & D and they said we should just come get checked to be safe. Then I started vomiting before we even left, my 19 year old came and picked us up to drive us across town to the hospital that had the NICU not the birth center I was planning on delivering at. I made it the entire car ride without vomiting or shitting my pants.Seriously a miracle! Then we get to labor and delivery and get put in a room with 4-6 beds all surrounded by curtains  I start vomiting again and the pain is unreal, remember this is my 4th pregnancy so I'm not a newbie at the pain of childbirth. This pain was different and wouldn't stop. This goes on for a few hours, I see a OB then another as they try to figure out what is going on. I'm sure I scared a few mamas in labor while they waited to be checked and admitted. They should have put me in a private room to be miserable, nobody wants to vomit every 5 minutes in front of strangers for hours. Finally after 3 hours I get a morphine drip, and a visit from a surgeon. I started to freak out, why did I need a surgeon??? You have to know that I am terrified of surgery and had never had major surgery as an adult.The doctor sent in the ultrasound technician who spent 45 minutes looking around my giant belly before he decided that it was my appendix that was the source of my pain and misery. Not my sweet baby, just my appendix that had never been a problem before. Around 1am the hot surgeon came back (he may not have been hot it could have been the morphine) and said they were going to take my appendix out in a hour. I started to freak a little more, what about the baby? NO they would not be taking the baby out unless something goes wrong during surgery. Why was my question, the answer 35 weeks and 4 days does not make for a done baby. WTF?!?! So I sat there and was just in shock, appendix out, baby in for another 3-4 weeks, I guess your the freaking doctor if you say so. I found out later that this surgery could not be done laparoscopically so they were going to cut me open and take my tiny appendix out without taking my son out??? At this point I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, so as they prepared me for surgery I prayed that everything would go alright and both of us would be safe. I called my mom sobbing and she said she would be there when I woke up. The fear was taking over and thankfully the sedative they gave me calmed my anxiety. Leaving my husband to get wheeled into the scary basement for surgery was hard but I don't remember much of that except he was going to my private room to get some sleep while I was in surgery. The last thing I remember was how many people were in the operating room, I think there was 15+, a team for me and baby if he had to be delivered. 

I woke up surrounded by my husband, mother, pastor and my nurse. The first thing I did was make sure the baby was alright, he was fine. Then I went back to sleep for a few hours. Now this is where it gets ridiculous, they had me on a pain drip, the kind you push yourself. I had never had surgery before so I wasn't sure how much pain I should be in but I was sure it was too much. I woke up the first time around 9am, around 4pm my nurse tried to get me to get out of bed. I cried and screamed in pain. I couldn't move without feeling like I was going to rip in half, and my instincts told me something was wrong. At 5pm my new nurse checked my pain pump and realized that it was broken so I hadn't been getting ANY FUCKING PAIN MEDS!!! My new nurse quickly fixed that and I was finally a little more comfortable. I had some more visitors but don't really remember. The next day my nurse offered me some apple juice, HECK YES couldn't remember the last thing I had eaten or drank. Almost instantly I felt sick again. Then the worst few hours of my life happened, I had an accident in my bed and freaked out! My husband helped me to the bathroom and held me up while I was going to the bathroom (love that man). Then a few hours later when my bitch nurse was helping me and I was crying and just plain exhausted she told me "suck it up you just had surgery not a baby". Then she wiped my ass raw with one of those brown paper towels (DRY) I wish I was joking that this had not happened and I was never treated this way. I should tell you that my mother and ex mother in law both work for this healthcare company. I just cried and felt defeated for hours, my husband was at home with emma and I just wanted to crawl in a hole away from that mean nurse. I didn't ask for any more help to the bathroom just sucked it up and got up myself. Painful and probably not good for me or baby but there was no way I was asking her for anything. This would be the longest 4 days stuck in that awful place.alone while my husband took care of our daughter at home. Finally I was released at 8pm after 5 days and was so glad to be home. I took a week off from my daycare, I know not enough but with my unpaid maternity leave coming I needed the income. So now I am home still pregnant and can I just say that having an 8 pound whatever oz baby inside when you have a surgical incision on one side of your giant belly is ridiculous. He kicked me all the time and I would literally scream out in pain from these kicks I were sure payback for letting him see the light and leaving him in there. The next 3 weeks were miserable and I was scared I would have to have another surgery to get this little man out because I didn't feel strong enough to deliver him. 

Crappy mom

Having kids, having toddlers and especially having teenagers there are going to be days where you feel like a crappy parent. Today was one of those days for me. Actually this week has been like that. And having the energy to try and pick myself up and know that I'm not a bad parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. It makes me miss the days when I was younger and picked on for being small. That didn't hurt nearly as bad as your teenager telling you your a sucky parent. Maybe she's right? I'm not going to lie that pleasing everyone is a battle I don"t want to fight anymore. It's too hard and making me feel worse everyday. I love them all and will continue to try my best. But I am sure I will continue to disappoint my teenagers. I just hope that they have kids that listen, go to sleep easily and never make them feel like this...

SPD is a real thing..

My 4 year old daughter has SPD/SID (sensory processing disorder/ sensory integration disorder) http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html. She also has speech apraxia and a sleep disorder. We have been getting services through early intervention for almost 3 years now for her speech and today was supposed to be our evaluation to test her out of services. Her speech has improved 100% and we are so happy about that. But her sensory issues have been a constant struggle and the school district has told us they don't consider her SPD a "thing". Real nice thing to say to a mother who has spent the last 3 years trying to figure out what my child's deal was. But I didn't say anything each time I was told this just nodded and screamed inside you are so WRONG! Today in great detail explained to these two women what our daily struggles are, how I had to watch my daughter writhe on the floor for a good 5 minutes after I put her pants on. I did break down a little but it was a stressful morning trying to get my kids out of the house by 9 am when they don't usually wake up until almost 10. And to my surprise the ladies were not only sympathetic to Emma's situation but helped put in place a plan going forward that will enable us to meet with 2 schools, both principals and all 6 kindergarten teachers to find the right fit. This is a huge relief and I am so grateful that they think Emma is as amazing as we do! >3

Waiting rooms

After a month of everyone being sick I have spent a few hours in waiting rooms and have seen enough to make me avoid them forever. People are freaks, me included I just try and limit my freaky behavior to my own home and the car with my children. Not even my husband gets to see my freaky side very often. And by freaky I mean weird, goofy, silly sometimes inappropriate self. I save that for my children, it helps get through long car rides, endless errands and boring meetings. That being said when I am in a waiting room and alone please don't feel like you should speak to me as if we have known each other forever. If I am alone (which happens so rarely) I don't want to talk about what is in the magazine that your reading and I don't enjoy the sex noises your making at the food you are clearly not eating right now. And after the first time I ignore you please don't say that you hope I feel better or that i should try the vitamins you are taking.or that they helped your constipation. Really do I look friendly to you? I may not have had very much adult interaction lately but discussing your bodily functions is the last thing I want to hear about. be careful or I will in detail tell you about my son's diaper, daughter's food allergy or my sex life. Maybe I am overacting but all I wanted was the 5-7 minutes I earned by being sick enough to go to the doctor alone ansd instead I got stuck with the waiting room leech that wouldn't get off....

my second and what I thought would be my last birth..

My second pregnancy and what I was sure was my last was for the most part easy. I gained 12 pounds (significantly less than the first time) and had mild morning sickness but that was it. The time went by fast because I was running my daycare and chasing my 4 year old. At 37 weeks I went into labor early and had to be hospitalized overnight. Thankfully the doctor was able to stop the contractions and I was sent home to rest and wait for my little girl. The next 3 weeks went by pretty quickly and then it was time! We did nipple stimulation to get labor going and wow did that work, I was already at 6 cm when we got to the hospital around 9pm. I received an epidural and took a much needed nap, woke up to my doctor saying not to push because she had crowned while I napped. The next hour was a blur of activity, she had to be turned while she was still in because her shoulder was stuck. This I would realize later would be what broke my tailbone. Then a nurse asked if I would let a EMT team watch the birth, I said yes what the heck was a few more people at this point. But all I remember was the cute guy standing behind the mirror, oh the things our brains choose to remember. The rest was easy, one push and she was out and on my chest. She had lots of dark hair and was beautiful. We nursed right away and then I had to give her up so I could be sick for an hour, a drawback to having a quick labor. She went from daddy, grandma and her uncle back to a very tired mama..we were transferred to our room where we actually rested and were able to sleep. She had a little trouble latching and we had to use a shield for a few days but were otherwise off to what would be an extended breastfeeding career. She nursed for 39 months and is still very healthy and a superstar student and has a huge heart!