Why I want to stop breastfeeding

I find myself in an odd situation, I want to stop breastfeeding. I'm tired, touched out, irritated, annoyed beyond anything and most of all just over it. Jack nurses 12-15 times a day, sometimes more but never less. These nursing sessions last about 20-25 minutes each time. That's about 5 hours a day I spend nursing jack. That does not include his night nursing which is still happening 3-4 times a night. 

But then I remember and think twice. I am a lactavist and advocate for self weaning everyday. Crap. I go back and read the things I've said, posted, what other mamas have said and all the reasons to keep breastfeeding. This brings me back to my reality. At the end of the day he needs me and that is what matters most. 

Why breastfeeding a toddler makes people uncomfortable

Jack is 26 months and a big toddler, he is also still very much my sweet nursling that nurses on demand. Over the past few months we have been in multiple situations where people have said it makes them uncomfortable that he is still breastfeeding. These are people who know how I feel about breastfeeding and nursing in public. I've been trying to figure out what exactly makes them uneasy and I think I've got it.

When a toddler nurses it can be very entertaining, there is the nipple twiddling, pulling and grabbing. Also followed by squirming and climbing all over you while still managing to have a boob in their mouth. I know that by the time all my babies were in this stage they didn't nurse much except for naptime and bedtime. Then there is Jack who still nurses with so much enthusiasm you would think I had crack for breastmilk. He makes every part if his breastfeeding session a production. It starts with an insistent noise and head bob directed at my chest followed by just pulling down my shirt  and helping himself if he can. He also has added blowing on my nipple like its hot, pulling the other nipple as far out of my shirt as he can and switching about 10 times in one feeding. What do I say to the people who feel uncomfortable watching a toddler nurse? Look away or please talk to me like I'm human because any distraction from my toddler pulling on my nipple is great! Don't get me wrong I love the cuddles and sweet moments of breastfeeding a toddler and I try to enjoy them because I know they will be ending soon.

New year, new fun!

Sitting here watching my kids play, fight and then fight some more while I try to drink coffee and pretend I don't hear the fighting I am thinking of ways to stop the fighting. Emma screams and jack throws things, this is what siblings do and as normal as I know this phase is I hate it. Doesn't Emma know that we had Jack so she would have a playmate?!? And must jack take every toy she has and chase her with it?

The answer is yes because they are 2 & 5. I'm the one who needs to teach them to love each other and have fun together. Wait what? I'm bad at sharing and have seriously lost my ability to enjoy anything after a stressful few months. So my goals this year are to get down and dirty with them. Play, laugh, sing, and all the stuff they love to do. I read somewhere that children laugh 400 times a day, how much happier would we be if we laughed that much? 

Here's to lots of breastfeeding, coloring, Lego building, reading and playing with buzz lightyear! Happy New Year!