Crappy mom

Having kids, having toddlers and especially having teenagers there are going to be days where you feel like a crappy parent. Today was one of those days for me. Actually this week has been like that. And having the energy to try and pick myself up and know that I'm not a bad parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. It makes me miss the days when I was younger and picked on for being small. That didn't hurt nearly as bad as your teenager telling you your a sucky parent. Maybe she's right? I'm not going to lie that pleasing everyone is a battle I don"t want to fight anymore. It's too hard and making me feel worse everyday. I love them all and will continue to try my best. But I am sure I will continue to disappoint my teenagers. I just hope that they have kids that listen, go to sleep easily and never make them feel like this...

SPD is a real thing..

My 4 year old daughter has SPD/SID (sensory processing disorder/ sensory integration disorder) http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html. She also has speech apraxia and a sleep disorder. We have been getting services through early intervention for almost 3 years now for her speech and today was supposed to be our evaluation to test her out of services. Her speech has improved 100% and we are so happy about that. But her sensory issues have been a constant struggle and the school district has told us they don't consider her SPD a "thing". Real nice thing to say to a mother who has spent the last 3 years trying to figure out what my child's deal was. But I didn't say anything each time I was told this just nodded and screamed inside you are so WRONG! Today in great detail explained to these two women what our daily struggles are, how I had to watch my daughter writhe on the floor for a good 5 minutes after I put her pants on. I did break down a little but it was a stressful morning trying to get my kids out of the house by 9 am when they don't usually wake up until almost 10. And to my surprise the ladies were not only sympathetic to Emma's situation but helped put in place a plan going forward that will enable us to meet with 2 schools, both principals and all 6 kindergarten teachers to find the right fit. This is a huge relief and I am so grateful that they think Emma is as amazing as we do! >3

Waiting rooms

After a month of everyone being sick I have spent a few hours in waiting rooms and have seen enough to make me avoid them forever. People are freaks, me included I just try and limit my freaky behavior to my own home and the car with my children. Not even my husband gets to see my freaky side very often. And by freaky I mean weird, goofy, silly sometimes inappropriate self. I save that for my children, it helps get through long car rides, endless errands and boring meetings. That being said when I am in a waiting room and alone please don't feel like you should speak to me as if we have known each other forever. If I am alone (which happens so rarely) I don't want to talk about what is in the magazine that your reading and I don't enjoy the sex noises your making at the food you are clearly not eating right now. And after the first time I ignore you please don't say that you hope I feel better or that i should try the vitamins you are taking.or that they helped your constipation. Really do I look friendly to you? I may not have had very much adult interaction lately but discussing your bodily functions is the last thing I want to hear about. be careful or I will in detail tell you about my son's diaper, daughter's food allergy or my sex life. Maybe I am overacting but all I wanted was the 5-7 minutes I earned by being sick enough to go to the doctor alone ansd instead I got stuck with the waiting room leech that wouldn't get off....

my second and what I thought would be my last birth..

My second pregnancy and what I was sure was my last was for the most part easy. I gained 12 pounds (significantly less than the first time) and had mild morning sickness but that was it. The time went by fast because I was running my daycare and chasing my 4 year old. At 37 weeks I went into labor early and had to be hospitalized overnight. Thankfully the doctor was able to stop the contractions and I was sent home to rest and wait for my little girl. The next 3 weeks went by pretty quickly and then it was time! We did nipple stimulation to get labor going and wow did that work, I was already at 6 cm when we got to the hospital around 9pm. I received an epidural and took a much needed nap, woke up to my doctor saying not to push because she had crowned while I napped. The next hour was a blur of activity, she had to be turned while she was still in because her shoulder was stuck. This I would realize later would be what broke my tailbone. Then a nurse asked if I would let a EMT team watch the birth, I said yes what the heck was a few more people at this point. But all I remember was the cute guy standing behind the mirror, oh the things our brains choose to remember. The rest was easy, one push and she was out and on my chest. She had lots of dark hair and was beautiful. We nursed right away and then I had to give her up so I could be sick for an hour, a drawback to having a quick labor. She went from daddy, grandma and her uncle back to a very tired mama..we were transferred to our room where we actually rested and were able to sleep. She had a little trouble latching and we had to use a shield for a few days but were otherwise off to what would be an extended breastfeeding career. She nursed for 39 months and is still very healthy and a superstar student and has a huge heart!