New year, new fun!

Sitting here watching my kids play, fight and then fight some more while I try to drink coffee and pretend I don't hear the fighting I am thinking of ways to stop the fighting. Emma screams and jack throws things, this is what siblings do and as normal as I know this phase is I hate it. Doesn't Emma know that we had Jack so she would have a playmate?!? And must jack take every toy she has and chase her with it?

The answer is yes because they are 2 & 5. I'm the one who needs to teach them to love each other and have fun together. Wait what? I'm bad at sharing and have seriously lost my ability to enjoy anything after a stressful few months. So my goals this year are to get down and dirty with them. Play, laugh, sing, and all the stuff they love to do. I read somewhere that children laugh 400 times a day, how much happier would we be if we laughed that much? 

Here's to lots of breastfeeding, coloring, Lego building, reading and playing with buzz lightyear! Happy New Year! 

Why having a doctor that supports your parenting choices is so important

When Emma was born because of the circumstances surrounding her birth I didn't have a pediatrician picked out. Our first one was chosen because of how close he was to our house. We kept him for a few years and through all of Emma's SPD diagnosis because he was supportive and truly cared about Emma. He was also one of the pediatric interns who was present at my birth (I was a 32 week preemie). All of these reasons made us stay with him even though it was a fight every time I wanted to delay a vaccine or bed sharing was brought up.

Then Jack was born, circumcised because I didn't know better and again with the vaccines and bed sharing argument. When jack was 10 months old he had a fever for 48 hours for no apparent reason, I decided to take him to urgent care just to get him checked out since it was Saturday and his fever was around 103-104 and was not going away. That was the day we met our doctor. I will never forget how she walked in the room saw me nursing jack and said how much it made her miss her nursling who was the same age. SOLD! 

The appointment was the best experience I've ever had with any of my 4 kids in 21 years as a mother. She was patient, kind and encouraged us to co sleep and nurse to help him feel better. He did have an ear infection and offered a wait and see with the antibiotics. Which she still does every time. She hugged me and snuggled jack before we left. I cried and asked if she was taking new patients. She said yes but that she was a little farther away from us, I said okay I don't care how far you are and switched immediately. 

Being an attached parent can make dealing with doctors a huge challenge and a lot of AP avoid things like well check ups and routine visits. I would encourage you to research doctors avaliable to you. Here are some questions to ask when finding the right pediatrician. 

1. Do they encourage extended breastfeeding? 

2. Will they support delayed/ selective vaccination? What if you choose no vaccines? 

3. How do they feel about bed sharing? CIO? 

4. What if I don't want to start solids at 4 months, 6 months or even longer? What about BLW? 

5. circumsion is always important to ask about before your child is born ( my biggest mistake )

6. Antibiotics, are they a pill pusher? I hate this term but some doctors are just that.

7. Do they support letting your child develop in his own time? Not stressing you out if you have a late crawler, walker, talker etc..

Are they kind or do they have a matter of fact attitude? So many of the doctors I've met are so business like its hard to get a smile out of them. Having a doctor that supports my choices and offers gentle advice if she disagrees has changed the way we view going to the doctor. We always look forward to seeing her ( which is often with all of jack's ear issues and Emma's SPD ). 

Out of sorts

  My nosy neighbor picked the wrong day to judge my child, my parenting, my life. This neighbor who lives next door to me, she is 73 and has a tendency to come and overstay her welcome in my house. She comes during nap time, breakfast, always for more than an hour. Let me just put this out there, I have told her repeatedly to only come over once a week on Thursday because the rest of the week I have extra kids and we have a schedule/routine that I don't like disrupted. She is constantly telling jack and emma what to do, what not to do and I have told her that Emma has SPD and is very sensitive to other adults correcting her. She also has become attached to one of my daycare kids. A little girl who just turned 2 and is very high energy, curious and can be a little aggressive. This toddler and jack have been hitting and pushing each other all week and I have been dealing with this in a gentle way by just reminding to have nice hands and redirecting one or both of them. Well jack has been sick, tired and just not his usual happy self and this morning after only 5-6 hours of sleep last night he is out of sorts to say the least. I read a blog a few months ago that was great about this http://blog.positivediscipline.com/2007/05/toddlers-and-hitting-stage.html. So yes toddlers hit, especially toddlers that don't talk yet, they simply cannot put into words their frustrations so they hit, push, etc..

 So this morning she came over while I had one child arriving, jack just waking up needing his boob, and 3 other toddlers waiting for me to make breakfast while I am trying to wake up after my big 3 hours of sleep last night. I can hardly form a sentence much less hold a conversation with anyone older than 5. It was chaos and I was polite for a little while and she played with the kids. Then Jack finished his boob and got down to play, he immediately went over and hit this little girl. I reminded him to have nice hands while she said "don't do that, that's not ok". She then proceeds to tell me he needs a time out to which I respond he's a little young for that and I don't use time outs until about age 3 if needed. I then explain that jack is tired, sick and just reacting to other kids in his space. He usually is much more receptive to the other kids but is not himself. Then I went to make the other kids breakfast and I walk back into the room to her sternly telling jack something I couldn't make out. I picked up Jack, opened my door and asked her to please leave, she said that I didn't know how to raise my children, I was mean to the little girl and that Jack was going to grow up to be an abuser because I just let him hit whenever he wants. Now I have 5 small sets of eyes/ears watching to see if I am going to freak out on her. I simply looked at her and said " Thank you for your opinion but I am sure my children will grow up to love and respect others".  She left and I did slam the door as hard as I could and was so mad I was shaking but was so proud of myself for not losing my shit and telling her what I've wanted to for the past 2 years she has been giving me her unsolicited opinions. We went about our morning and Jack woke up a little more and was almost his usual self. I firmly believe that toddlers need redirection, reminders and assurance that we are hearing the needs they are trying to communicate without words.
 

how I'm putting my children at risk..

As a working mother of 4+ there isn't one minute of my day that isn't filled with somebody needing me for something, whether it's a boob or advice on what clothes to buy from 800 miles away. They are my life and I love it, that being said I have a nursing toddler, a extra special 4 year old with a sleep disorder, a 15 year old girl and a 20 year old who needs me to be on demand for her 24/7. Sometimes details slip my mind and somethings just aren't a priority. Over the last 24 hours I have checked every car seat, stroller, high chair, crib, play and pack and most of the toys in my house to make sure that none have been recalled or are expired. This morning I was terrified that someone was going to report me for Jack's car seat being expired. Can I just say that nobody deserves to feel that way. I was hysterical crying worried that my precious loves were at risk because I didn't realize that 1 of my 5 car seats was expired.  I debated deleting my Facebook page, picking up and moving all while trying to get 3 of my kids ready for church. After some kind words from one of my children reminding me that I am not a bad mother and some kind words from some of the mamas on my page I decided not to delete my page. I will however be much more guarded about what I share about my children. I created the Facebook page to be a support page for mamas not a place to be attacked, and saying that I was putting Jack in danger is ridiculous. If you follow me at all you know how much I love all of my children and my job is to protect them. I am grateful that it was pointed out that his car seat was expired and the chest clip was too low. What I didn't say yesterday was that it was my husband who put him in his seat and that I should have noticed the clip. We now have ordered new seats and will pray that emma will transition to a new one without too much resistance. Again thank you to all of you are here to love and support I truly appreciate you.

my AP parenting style

I didn't know what attachment parenting was 20 years ago when I had my daughter. All I knew was that breastfeeding was important, I wanted her close to me and that she was going to sleep with me. Now after being a mom for 20 years my style of AP parenting has changed a little and adjusted with each child. Remember I have a child with SPD who has an aversion to be comforted and while we co slept for the first 2 years she just doesn't sleep much therefore putting my co sleeping belief on hold for a year or so while we just struggled to get any sleep at all. And now with baby jack my attachment belief is very strong and we are co sleeping, breastfeeding on demand at 18 months and baby wearing when he will let us. There was also my 15 year old that breastfed for 39/40 months and co sleeps as a teenager when she needs to. I am going to share the guidelines I believe in and you may or may not agree. Here they are..

1) a gentle and peaceful birth (however you get this is up to you) and immediate breastfeeding at birth
2) breastfeeding on demand for at least the first year, not always an option for everyone and I would never judge a mama who can't or chooses not to breastfeed. it can be very hard and not everyone has a support system
3) co sleeping however much or little you feel like.
4) baby wearing (especially when you have more than one child) and my babies all loved being close when they were tiny, less after age 2 but we switched to a backpack and continued to wear them
5) crying it out is not an option for us (although I have been pressured into trying this)
6) vaccines are a personal choice and I would never judge anyone who does or doesn't! (we delay and do selective vaccines)
7) pacifiers are also a personal choice, my thought is if your breastfeeding and work during the day when your baby is little a paci can help that sucking need while your away. again this is my opinion and it's based on my own experiences.
8)  gentle discipline ( we redirect, figure out the need and try to address)
9) we try to provide a loving, nurturing environment where our children feel secure that we are present and responsive to their needs

these are my guidelines  every day is a new challenge and the best I can do is love my LO's with all I have and be there for them 24/7..they are based on the 8 principles of AP parenting. http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

I will follow this post up with a more detailed post about each subject. ❤

peace

After several weekends in a row of a tense household this weeekend has been peaceful and just plain great! I am so grateful for my family getting along and loving each other. Having teenagers and toddlers can cause constant chaos and crankiness on both parts! The neediness of both ages and just plain selfishness can be tiring on this mama and make me feel like I'm being pulled in 4 different directions. So this weekend I am happy that my kids all love each other and are content to just be with each other. So I am going to enjoy this day full of laundry, grocery shopping and baking for the week!

yes please take my appendix but leave the baby..

My pregnancy with jack was a difficult one from the beginning. I suffered a miscarriage in late January early February 2011 and then became pregnant the first time we had sex after the miscarriage (no joke). My doctor was amazed but skeptical that I was actually pregnant. So for almost 6 weeks I had my blood drawn every 48 hours to check that dang hormone level to see if it was rising. It was but the process was ridiculous, I had a toddler that wasn't sleeping and a full time job, I did not have time to drive to the hospital every other day to have my blood taken. Then finally at 6 weeks we had an ultrasound to confirm and there it was my little baby had hung on and was still fighting! My stepdaughter was with me and we were both so excited! I actually ended up being pregnant almost a year consecutive.Yikes! The next few months were busy, easy and just flew by. I felt pretty good, no morning sickness, very tired but I was used to that by this point with Emma. Life was very busy with all of Emma's therapy, speech and endless doctor's appointments. It really helped the weeks go by fast though. When I was 35 weeks and 4 days our car broke and we had to put it in the shop for a few days, not a big deal right? We only have one car because my husband rides the bus  to work. I worked until almost 7pm watching kids that night. At around 8 or so I began having contractions every 3-5 minutes followed by diarrhea. We called L & D and they said we should just come get checked to be safe. Then I started vomiting before we even left, my 19 year old came and picked us up to drive us across town to the hospital that had the NICU not the birth center I was planning on delivering at. I made it the entire car ride without vomiting or shitting my pants.Seriously a miracle! Then we get to labor and delivery and get put in a room with 4-6 beds all surrounded by curtains  I start vomiting again and the pain is unreal, remember this is my 4th pregnancy so I'm not a newbie at the pain of childbirth. This pain was different and wouldn't stop. This goes on for a few hours, I see a OB then another as they try to figure out what is going on. I'm sure I scared a few mamas in labor while they waited to be checked and admitted. They should have put me in a private room to be miserable, nobody wants to vomit every 5 minutes in front of strangers for hours. Finally after 3 hours I get a morphine drip, and a visit from a surgeon. I started to freak out, why did I need a surgeon??? You have to know that I am terrified of surgery and had never had major surgery as an adult.The doctor sent in the ultrasound technician who spent 45 minutes looking around my giant belly before he decided that it was my appendix that was the source of my pain and misery. Not my sweet baby, just my appendix that had never been a problem before. Around 1am the hot surgeon came back (he may not have been hot it could have been the morphine) and said they were going to take my appendix out in a hour. I started to freak a little more, what about the baby? NO they would not be taking the baby out unless something goes wrong during surgery. Why was my question, the answer 35 weeks and 4 days does not make for a done baby. WTF?!?! So I sat there and was just in shock, appendix out, baby in for another 3-4 weeks, I guess your the freaking doctor if you say so. I found out later that this surgery could not be done laparoscopically so they were going to cut me open and take my tiny appendix out without taking my son out??? At this point I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, so as they prepared me for surgery I prayed that everything would go alright and both of us would be safe. I called my mom sobbing and she said she would be there when I woke up. The fear was taking over and thankfully the sedative they gave me calmed my anxiety. Leaving my husband to get wheeled into the scary basement for surgery was hard but I don't remember much of that except he was going to my private room to get some sleep while I was in surgery. The last thing I remember was how many people were in the operating room, I think there was 15+, a team for me and baby if he had to be delivered. 

I woke up surrounded by my husband, mother, pastor and my nurse. The first thing I did was make sure the baby was alright, he was fine. Then I went back to sleep for a few hours. Now this is where it gets ridiculous, they had me on a pain drip, the kind you push yourself. I had never had surgery before so I wasn't sure how much pain I should be in but I was sure it was too much. I woke up the first time around 9am, around 4pm my nurse tried to get me to get out of bed. I cried and screamed in pain. I couldn't move without feeling like I was going to rip in half, and my instincts told me something was wrong. At 5pm my new nurse checked my pain pump and realized that it was broken so I hadn't been getting ANY FUCKING PAIN MEDS!!! My new nurse quickly fixed that and I was finally a little more comfortable. I had some more visitors but don't really remember. The next day my nurse offered me some apple juice, HECK YES couldn't remember the last thing I had eaten or drank. Almost instantly I felt sick again. Then the worst few hours of my life happened, I had an accident in my bed and freaked out! My husband helped me to the bathroom and held me up while I was going to the bathroom (love that man). Then a few hours later when my bitch nurse was helping me and I was crying and just plain exhausted she told me "suck it up you just had surgery not a baby". Then she wiped my ass raw with one of those brown paper towels (DRY) I wish I was joking that this had not happened and I was never treated this way. I should tell you that my mother and ex mother in law both work for this healthcare company. I just cried and felt defeated for hours, my husband was at home with emma and I just wanted to crawl in a hole away from that mean nurse. I didn't ask for any more help to the bathroom just sucked it up and got up myself. Painful and probably not good for me or baby but there was no way I was asking her for anything. This would be the longest 4 days stuck in that awful place.alone while my husband took care of our daughter at home. Finally I was released at 8pm after 5 days and was so glad to be home. I took a week off from my daycare, I know not enough but with my unpaid maternity leave coming I needed the income. So now I am home still pregnant and can I just say that having an 8 pound whatever oz baby inside when you have a surgical incision on one side of your giant belly is ridiculous. He kicked me all the time and I would literally scream out in pain from these kicks I were sure payback for letting him see the light and leaving him in there. The next 3 weeks were miserable and I was scared I would have to have another surgery to get this little man out because I didn't feel strong enough to deliver him.