Giving my toddler a safe place

I have an in home daycare and have since Emma was 2. And before when my older girls were young. For all of my girls having other children around was great social interaction and they made friends they still have today, then there's Jack. Jack does not enjoy sharing his space, his toys and his mommy. He let's me know what he will tolerate and what is just not going to work for him. This makes my job extremely difficult at times. Don't get me wrong he has more good days than not and he loves babies. But finding a happy middle ground has been a very long and hard process. I have done things like always nursing him when be asks no matter what I'm doing. Unless I'm changing a diaper then he can wait the fevw minutes until I'm ready. Today I had a play and pack out for my youngest toddler who just started walking and needs a safe place if I'm going to be out of the room for more than a minute. Jack saw this and wanted in, he then asked for his buzz lightyears and his tablet, he ate his snack and played for almost an hour. I didn't think to take a picture then. But I may have found a way to give him a few minutes of peace while still being with me. 

The sleep wars

   My 5 year old has a diagnosed sleep disorder that for years meant little sleep for her and I. She only slept 6 hours a night for almost 3 1/2 years until we discovered melatonin. This gave us back our lives and it felt good to sleep. Then we had jack and he's a good sleeper once he's asleep. He's always been hard to get to sleep. Thankfully he still nurses to sleep..for now.

   During the 3+ years when Emma never slept my husband stayed up with her one night and was such a baby about it I never asked for help again. It was just assumed that sleep was my area of parenting because out of the two of us I have the best opportunity for a nap. Never happens but I guess the chance of a nap happening means I get to be the one who gets up with the kids. 

   Where the war begins is most nights as we are cuddling the kids before bed he falls asleep. Around 8:00-8:30, then I carry the kids to their beds or stay up with Jack if he's still up. Then I just get frustrated and go to bed. I keep track of every time he does this and hold it over his head. Not nice I know but not all is fair in parenting and sleep. So what I'm trying to do lately is let all of this anger and resentment over how much more sleep he gets then me go. Easier said than done but I'm willing to let this go to keep the peace, would you? 

   Being a mom I realize that sleep is a sacrifice I must make at times. But am I the only one who thought hey this person helped me make this little person why do they get to sleep?!? Here is a little secret I've discovered. Most babies that wake to nurse will not wake if the mom isn't in the bed. So if I really need a break I go sleep on the couch and my hubby sleeps with the kids. And they don't wake up for him..interesting. I've only done this once but I know other mamas who have said if their nursling can't smell them they sleep longer. 

I should also add he sleeps in an extra hour later than me everyday. He gets up and gets coffee says hi to the kids and goes back to bed. Swallow, breathe, swallow bigger and let go. My children deserve a peaceful home not a war zone. 

#cosleeping #attachmentparenting #marriage #sleep #whoneedssleep

Why I want to stop breastfeeding

I find myself in an odd situation, I want to stop breastfeeding. I'm tired, touched out, irritated, annoyed beyond anything and most of all just over it. Jack nurses 12-15 times a day, sometimes more but never less. These nursing sessions last about 20-25 minutes each time. That's about 5 hours a day I spend nursing jack. That does not include his night nursing which is still happening 3-4 times a night. 

But then I remember and think twice. I am a lactavist and advocate for self weaning everyday. Crap. I go back and read the things I've said, posted, what other mamas have said and all the reasons to keep breastfeeding. This brings me back to my reality. At the end of the day he needs me and that is what matters most. 

Why breastfeeding a toddler makes people uncomfortable

Jack is 26 months and a big toddler, he is also still very much my sweet nursling that nurses on demand. Over the past few months we have been in multiple situations where people have said it makes them uncomfortable that he is still breastfeeding. These are people who know how I feel about breastfeeding and nursing in public. I've been trying to figure out what exactly makes them uneasy and I think I've got it.

When a toddler nurses it can be very entertaining, there is the nipple twiddling, pulling and grabbing. Also followed by squirming and climbing all over you while still managing to have a boob in their mouth. I know that by the time all my babies were in this stage they didn't nurse much except for naptime and bedtime. Then there is Jack who still nurses with so much enthusiasm you would think I had crack for breastmilk. He makes every part if his breastfeeding session a production. It starts with an insistent noise and head bob directed at my chest followed by just pulling down my shirt  and helping himself if he can. He also has added blowing on my nipple like its hot, pulling the other nipple as far out of my shirt as he can and switching about 10 times in one feeding. What do I say to the people who feel uncomfortable watching a toddler nurse? Look away or please talk to me like I'm human because any distraction from my toddler pulling on my nipple is great! Don't get me wrong I love the cuddles and sweet moments of breastfeeding a toddler and I try to enjoy them because I know they will be ending soon.

New year, new fun!

Sitting here watching my kids play, fight and then fight some more while I try to drink coffee and pretend I don't hear the fighting I am thinking of ways to stop the fighting. Emma screams and jack throws things, this is what siblings do and as normal as I know this phase is I hate it. Doesn't Emma know that we had Jack so she would have a playmate?!? And must jack take every toy she has and chase her with it?

The answer is yes because they are 2 & 5. I'm the one who needs to teach them to love each other and have fun together. Wait what? I'm bad at sharing and have seriously lost my ability to enjoy anything after a stressful few months. So my goals this year are to get down and dirty with them. Play, laugh, sing, and all the stuff they love to do. I read somewhere that children laugh 400 times a day, how much happier would we be if we laughed that much? 

Here's to lots of breastfeeding, coloring, Lego building, reading and playing with buzz lightyear! Happy New Year! 

Why having a doctor that supports your parenting choices is so important

When Emma was born because of the circumstances surrounding her birth I didn't have a pediatrician picked out. Our first one was chosen because of how close he was to our house. We kept him for a few years and through all of Emma's SPD diagnosis because he was supportive and truly cared about Emma. He was also one of the pediatric interns who was present at my birth (I was a 32 week preemie). All of these reasons made us stay with him even though it was a fight every time I wanted to delay a vaccine or bed sharing was brought up.

Then Jack was born, circumcised because I didn't know better and again with the vaccines and bed sharing argument. When jack was 10 months old he had a fever for 48 hours for no apparent reason, I decided to take him to urgent care just to get him checked out since it was Saturday and his fever was around 103-104 and was not going away. That was the day we met our doctor. I will never forget how she walked in the room saw me nursing jack and said how much it made her miss her nursling who was the same age. SOLD! 

The appointment was the best experience I've ever had with any of my 4 kids in 21 years as a mother. She was patient, kind and encouraged us to co sleep and nurse to help him feel better. He did have an ear infection and offered a wait and see with the antibiotics. Which she still does every time. She hugged me and snuggled jack before we left. I cried and asked if she was taking new patients. She said yes but that she was a little farther away from us, I said okay I don't care how far you are and switched immediately. 

Being an attached parent can make dealing with doctors a huge challenge and a lot of AP avoid things like well check ups and routine visits. I would encourage you to research doctors avaliable to you. Here are some questions to ask when finding the right pediatrician. 

1. Do they encourage extended breastfeeding? 

2. Will they support delayed/ selective vaccination? What if you choose no vaccines? 

3. How do they feel about bed sharing? CIO? 

4. What if I don't want to start solids at 4 months, 6 months or even longer? What about BLW? 

5. circumsion is always important to ask about before your child is born ( my biggest mistake )

6. Antibiotics, are they a pill pusher? I hate this term but some doctors are just that.

7. Do they support letting your child develop in his own time? Not stressing you out if you have a late crawler, walker, talker etc..

Are they kind or do they have a matter of fact attitude? So many of the doctors I've met are so business like its hard to get a smile out of them. Having a doctor that supports my choices and offers gentle advice if she disagrees has changed the way we view going to the doctor. We always look forward to seeing her ( which is often with all of jack's ear issues and Emma's SPD ). 

Out of sorts

  My nosy neighbor picked the wrong day to judge my child, my parenting, my life. This neighbor who lives next door to me, she is 73 and has a tendency to come and overstay her welcome in my house. She comes during nap time, breakfast, always for more than an hour. Let me just put this out there, I have told her repeatedly to only come over once a week on Thursday because the rest of the week I have extra kids and we have a schedule/routine that I don't like disrupted. She is constantly telling jack and emma what to do, what not to do and I have told her that Emma has SPD and is very sensitive to other adults correcting her. She also has become attached to one of my daycare kids. A little girl who just turned 2 and is very high energy, curious and can be a little aggressive. This toddler and jack have been hitting and pushing each other all week and I have been dealing with this in a gentle way by just reminding to have nice hands and redirecting one or both of them. Well jack has been sick, tired and just not his usual happy self and this morning after only 5-6 hours of sleep last night he is out of sorts to say the least. I read a blog a few months ago that was great about this http://blog.positivediscipline.com/2007/05/toddlers-and-hitting-stage.html. So yes toddlers hit, especially toddlers that don't talk yet, they simply cannot put into words their frustrations so they hit, push, etc..

 So this morning she came over while I had one child arriving, jack just waking up needing his boob, and 3 other toddlers waiting for me to make breakfast while I am trying to wake up after my big 3 hours of sleep last night. I can hardly form a sentence much less hold a conversation with anyone older than 5. It was chaos and I was polite for a little while and she played with the kids. Then Jack finished his boob and got down to play, he immediately went over and hit this little girl. I reminded him to have nice hands while she said "don't do that, that's not ok". She then proceeds to tell me he needs a time out to which I respond he's a little young for that and I don't use time outs until about age 3 if needed. I then explain that jack is tired, sick and just reacting to other kids in his space. He usually is much more receptive to the other kids but is not himself. Then I went to make the other kids breakfast and I walk back into the room to her sternly telling jack something I couldn't make out. I picked up Jack, opened my door and asked her to please leave, she said that I didn't know how to raise my children, I was mean to the little girl and that Jack was going to grow up to be an abuser because I just let him hit whenever he wants. Now I have 5 small sets of eyes/ears watching to see if I am going to freak out on her. I simply looked at her and said " Thank you for your opinion but I am sure my children will grow up to love and respect others".  She left and I did slam the door as hard as I could and was so mad I was shaking but was so proud of myself for not losing my shit and telling her what I've wanted to for the past 2 years she has been giving me her unsolicited opinions. We went about our morning and Jack woke up a little more and was almost his usual self. I firmly believe that toddlers need redirection, reminders and assurance that we are hearing the needs they are trying to communicate without words.